Proud of Myself

Today was a day for the introvert (self). Both girls at school a full day meant I was able to plan little and do much or not, of whatever fills me. I actually didn't feel (too) guilty today, either. I guess I'm learning to chill out. I dropped the girls off, had a chat with one of my dearest girl friends, headed to Target and spent two hours trying things on! TWO HOURS! In my non-chilled-out-life, I would have been (self) tortured if I spent two hours trying clothes on. But that's just what I did today. And it was great. I even BOUGHT something & felt only a tiny bit guilty (I had gift cards, so it wasn't like I was spending "real" money - maybe that's how I justified the purchases). In previous non-chilled-out-life I wouldn't have purchased anything (that would have been part of the punishment: Did you just waste two hours trying clothes on? Then no clothes for you!) Not only did I buy things for myself (not for the kids) I actually bought things that I like, not things that I thought my husband would like on me. Don't get me wrong, I think he'll like these things on me, but I took care of my likes first. Wow. I'm pretty proud of myself.

And THEN, I came home, made myself lunch and met hubby @ gym for a work out. Awesome. Then I said "ciao" to my prince and I jumped into the pool to further my workout and keep the heart rate up for another 25 minutes. And I did it all for ME, not for anyone else. WOW! I'm really liking myself these days & it's showing up! I mean, I've always really enjoyed my personality, my sense of humor, but there were things... things I couldn't quite put my finger on that I'm finally recognizing and starting to take care of now. I realized that I want my girls to learn how to take care of themselves first (before they take care of their friends emotions or whatever) and the only way they're really going to learn that is if I take care of myself. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually.

I'm really enjoying this journey that I'm on: learning to chill out. Still.

Strong Enough

There's just too much to write about... I get a little bogged down in deciding which thing(s) to write about and then... I don't end up writing ANYthing. Well, NOT TODAY friends! Not today.

Today was a glorious day and was also a ridiculously HOT day (again) for April in California. I nearly jumped into the pool @ 11am. Instead, I made lunches for the girls and hubby (who joined us for lunch) and THEN jumped into the pool. I think it was the first time I have ever had both girls in the pool by myself. I was pretty proud of myself. It was my own time with my girls – in the pool. I have never really felt strong enough/confident enough to have them together by myself (without hubby) in the pool. He was the lifeguard, not me! But today was my own time with them. I emerged victorious and confident and cooled off! I was also patting myself on the back for the added bonus of the work-out I was able to squeeze into the day on account of being in the pool. Awesome.

Introvert

Today: ~ deep, cleansing breath ~

that's exactly what today was. a deep cleansing breath.
From start to finish…

I learned (again) today that in fact I AM an introvert. Introvert here is defined as a person who recharges from being alone vs. someone (an extrovert) who recharges from being around others.
I recharged today, thus the deep cleansing breath.

Chill Out

Been going thru some pretty uncomfortable times recently. Feelings of agitation and irritability around each corner. Simple things really, not things that would normally annoy me, but... it's another one of those times in life of transition, change, newness. I feel stretched. I feel like I'm stretching. There are things in life that I have to come to terms with. And one of those things for me is CHANGE. I am open to change, for sure, don't get me wrong on that one. But just because I am open to it doesn't mean it's always comfortable. It reminds me of being pregnant. I think pregnancy is one of the best analogies for change and growth and the discomfort before the blessing. I'm feeling stretch marks right now. Figuratively speaking.

So the stretch this year so far has been learning that "It's OK to chill out." Seriously.

We still aren't moved into our place. My bedroom is full of boxes. STILL. The floor is covered with STUFF. We still don't have living room furniture, which is kinda cool actually cuz we end up spending a lot of time all together on the floor. "tummy time" The girls' school schedule just changed. We're trying to figure out who we are as a family - just the four of us. Mom doesn't live here anymore. My sister doesn't live with us anymore. It's just us. And that is taking some odd adjusting, some adjusting that I didn't account for... and it's all good, of course. It's just... it's like when you're eight months pregnant and trying to get a good night's rest (ha!) but you have to get up every two hours to pee or you're in bed trying to find that comfy position but it keeps eluding you. It's kinda like that.

So I'm learning to just CHILL OUT. Relax. I mean, I'm TRYING. OK. And just trying to let life organically grow. Figure out how we as a family unit are supposed to BE together... it has its really fun moments (like the day we decided it was time to get Little's hair cut but no kids shops were open so we went to a hole in the wall salon, Daddy stood next to Little while she had her hair chopped and I had a pedicure while Love Bug sat next to me in total awe and asked gobs of questions).

Anyway...