Chill Out

Been going thru some pretty uncomfortable times recently. Feelings of agitation and irritability around each corner. Simple things really, not things that would normally annoy me, but... it's another one of those times in life of transition, change, newness. I feel stretched. I feel like I'm stretching. There are things in life that I have to come to terms with. And one of those things for me is CHANGE. I am open to change, for sure, don't get me wrong on that one. But just because I am open to it doesn't mean it's always comfortable. It reminds me of being pregnant. I think pregnancy is one of the best analogies for change and growth and the discomfort before the blessing. I'm feeling stretch marks right now. Figuratively speaking.

So the stretch this year so far has been learning that "It's OK to chill out." Seriously.

We still aren't moved into our place. My bedroom is full of boxes. STILL. The floor is covered with STUFF. We still don't have living room furniture, which is kinda cool actually cuz we end up spending a lot of time all together on the floor. "tummy time" The girls' school schedule just changed. We're trying to figure out who we are as a family - just the four of us. Mom doesn't live here anymore. My sister doesn't live with us anymore. It's just us. And that is taking some odd adjusting, some adjusting that I didn't account for... and it's all good, of course. It's just... it's like when you're eight months pregnant and trying to get a good night's rest (ha!) but you have to get up every two hours to pee or you're in bed trying to find that comfy position but it keeps eluding you. It's kinda like that.

So I'm learning to just CHILL OUT. Relax. I mean, I'm TRYING. OK. And just trying to let life organically grow. Figure out how we as a family unit are supposed to BE together... it has its really fun moments (like the day we decided it was time to get Little's hair cut but no kids shops were open so we went to a hole in the wall salon, Daddy stood next to Little while she had her hair chopped and I had a pedicure while Love Bug sat next to me in total awe and asked gobs of questions).

Anyway...

Absolute Best Moments #2

I had another "absolute best moment" today with my oldest daughter (who is now FIVE!). During the latter part of the girls' "nap time" (which is turning into quiet time in their room while they color or read) I sat down in the living room with my guitar. I began to play and sing as I sometimes do at home. Mateja emerged from her room and began dancing around behind me whilst looking in the mirror at herself. She was having a grand time. While that was a fun moment, the absolute best moment came shortly thereafter when I changed songs. She came and sat in front of me on the floor. And then she began to sing with me. She was mirroring me. There we were, the two of us: mother and daughter sharing a beautiful song. It was one of the absolute best moments I've had in a long time.

Flowers speak

Flowers. I absolutely LOVE them. I'm not talking about store bought flowers though or flowers in a vase or flowers that my husband might surprise me with at work (he did that when I had an office job) or flowers that he might bring home... No. I'm talking about growing flowers, wild flowers. Flowers growing on the side of the road, blossoms showing up on cherry trees, "Indian Paintbrushes" and tulips and poppies.... LOVE flowers. They speak so many things to me.

Each spring I am literally filled with happiness when I see blooms and blossoms. It's a bit early for spring now BUT that doesn't stop the blossoms and blooms from showing up. I have been seeing them recently. I'm not kidding, it makes me so happy!

I remember working with a couple of guys on a one year contract that started in the fall. When spring came round, oh boy! We'd go on five minute walks to get out of the stuffy cubicle environment. I would come alive! I think I freaked them out. I would start skipping and laughing and running from colored petals to colored petals. I would breathe in the scents and stop and stare and smile. I couldn't stop smiling! Life. Glory. Beauty. Hope. That and more I hear from flowers blooming. Do you see? Do you hear?

Absolute Best Moments

The absolute BEST moment happened this evening. I was JUST getting ready to shut my laptop after doing a variety of things: looking through my sister’s most recently posted photos from China, researching Taylor guitars, looking for local storage units, reading one of my favorite blogs… “INCOMING CALL” That was the prelude to the best moment. ooooh ~ I love skype. I love using skype for free to talk to my sister who is clear across the globe. The initial BEST moment is getting the call. The anticipation while waiting to seeing her face is the second best moment. And then seeing her face is the official absolute BEST moment. LOVE THAT MOMENT! In an instant I can see for myself how she’s doing. She is well. She is HER. I also love that I can take snapshots of her whilst she is talking away. Here are three of my favorites from tonight.

She's telling me how she fell in love with Kuala Lampur, Malaysia.

I just told her where we’re moving & how many square feet our new place has.

She’s doing a typical Chinese pose that she’s learned.

Love my sister.

I'm pretty happy that technology is contributing to my absolute best moments in life.

The "TO DO" List

I know there are gobs of ideas about "to do" lists. And there are gobs of different kinds out there. There are loads of folks who loathe them and just as many who live by them. I guess I fall somewhere in between. Because of my personality I lean toward keeping daily lists. They keep me focused and (frankly) I love to write them out & organize the list. Having WORD surely makes this task easier. The task of actually organizing my "to do" list doesn't usually end up on the list because if it did I would feel like a moron and then feel guilty about having such a detailed personality (because it can be a waste of time). I'm that person who makes a plan to plan; or in this case, makes a list to make a list.

So last night (actually it was quite early this morning) I sat on the couch, laptop on my LAP and wrote out my list for today. And then I reorganized it into categories (I won't bore you with the details). I felt quite accomplished, productive and - happy!

Then I woke up this morning and began the rush of a Monday. I really do have to get up and get going otherwise it's easy to get distracted. That's also why I like to have my lists. They keep me focused. I began busy, mindless work (you know, like unloading dishwasher) which doesn't require much focus. It's routine. Then it happened. I got distracted in the bedroom and then the bathroom and then I was back in the kitchen and found myself in the front room and then back in the bedroom to turn off the lights but then had to finish what I was doing in there and the! AAAAAaaaaaahhhhh!!!! Quick! Pull up the "TO DO List" before I get totally spun out.

I rushed to the laptop & opened up my list. I began reading it, crossing some things off that I had already done in my distractions and then... became very overwhelmed at the magnitude of the list. Why do I do this to myself? Ah well, I suppose I'm not the only one. Nothing new under the sun, right?

Blogging wasn't part of the list, but... it helps me get RE-focused. So now it's back to the list. Focus. Focus. Focus.