Last Day...

Last day of the year.  Good day to post!  Reflecting on 2009: it was a GREAT year for me and my little family.  I am looking forward to 2010 because there's more and better to come.  Yay!  Loved 2009.  Gonna love 2010.  Let's celebrate!!!

In Love

Tonight I am wrapping presents. I am thinking about how much I am feeling truly in love with my husband (again - yay!) and I'm thinking we should have more kids. I am also thinking about how much I think Meryl Streep is my favorite actress. Truly. I'm also thinking about calling my friend tomorrow morning and taking her offer to keep my kids for a few hours on Wednesday morning. Mmmmm....

My rear end hurts from being sat on for so many hours. I still have so much wrapping to do. If I weren't so anal about it (and believe me, I have relaxed TREMENDOUSLY) I would probably be done by now. Oh well. I won't wrap anymore tonight. Instead I type and listen to a three part series on the Discovery Channel about the life of Jesus and my butt begins to numb. That's probably TMI. Sorry.

OK. I really ought to go to bed next to the man that I'm in love with. Oh I'm so happy to be married to him! I think of him and those feelings categorized as butterflies start fluttering around. It's so weird. This used to happen when we were dating and first married. It's been a while sine I've felt anything like this. We'll be celebrating seven years of marriage in 2010 so to be having these fresh "feelings" again is... it's kinda cool. Actually, it's totally cool! ~ Sigh ~ I'm in love...

What a Mighty Good Man

Ever have one of those days when it feels like you're running all day long? That was me today. And now here I sit with feet propped (sortta), Rivera's music playing, tree lights glistening and the girls in bed. ~ sigh ~ Enjoyment. A running day makes for even greater appreciation of the down times that appear in my life.

I had a very gushy moment late this afternoon whilst grabbing a decaf Peets along with my first bite of the day: a fruit and nut scone (if you have never had one from Peets, I tell ya, you are MISSING out). I had just come from a hair appointment that was arranged by my husband. I stood at the bar sipped my coffee and thanked God for my husband. What a man! What a mighty good man. We've had six plus years of marriage so far full of ups and downs, certainties and uncertainties, happy days, angry days, sad days, ecstatic days. He has surprised me and disappointed me. He has hurt me and helped me. And today knowing all that we've been through together I didn't even weigh it out, there is no scale. All I could think was: What a Mighty Good Man!

Sunk into a Funk but Coming Out

I am home. It is Wednesday night. I arrived Monday morning. I can hardly believe three days have come and gone for me here. I arrived on a high and have sunk into a low... jet-lag sucks. I was really optimistic coming home that I would be untouched by the lag and be able to swing back into life as normal. Maybe that's the issue. Life as normal. "Back to Life, back to Reality"

My full-time job has resumed. House-wife. Mother of two. I will have to pull out my journal from the amazing time away & reflect & remember the moments that spurred desire to return. I was so happy to be coming home to my treasures in life: husband and children. I guess I am missing my hubby since he's working late each night this week and I still have two more full days before the weekend arrives. Ah well... I can handle a week. I can DO it (I mean, it's already more than half over!).

Especially since we have a Christmas tree in the house. Lights manifested themselves last night and the girls decorated as much of the tree as they could reach. It's a bit bottom-heavy. But it's lovely. I do love Christmas trees. Yes. I do. My five year old says to me, "Mama, you're the one who loves trees the most in the whole family, right? Why do you love them so much? Is it cuz they are so beautiful?" How can that NOT cause happiness and smiley goo to just ooze out of me?

And my husband. He is a treasure. I just love him. He is a special treat in my life.

Why am in a funk? Ah - sometimes just to write a reminder to self: life is good.

SCORE!

I fly to Asia in a week. I am somewhat busied in trying finish life here before I go as well as trying to gather all items needed: luggage, warm clothes for Beijing (it's snowing there right now), beach towels for Malaysia (gonna be nice and warm there!), extra memory card for my camera and requested items for my siblings & mother who all live there now.

I was shopping in Target this morning trying to collect as many said requested items as possible before Friday. I told them I probably wouldn't be able to bring everything. Stuff weighs a lot, ya know! Well, I'd like to bring as much as possible. I would love to just shower them with comfy gifts from their former homes. I didn't fare too well in collecting their requests. HOWEVER, I totally scored on something for me and my husband and the kids! I've been searching high and low for some stainless steel water bottles that have a design/color that I actually like and would sport as WELL as a price that I can deal with. SCORE!

I saw them from a distance and thought I would check them out - cuz that's what I do when I see stainless steel water bottles. I check them out. And I 'bout shouted! They are cute. They are each different. And the price... I got these at one fourth of the cost of most all the bottles I've been looking at! Four for the price of one!!! Ah, the little things. I mean come on. I'm writing in my blog about stainless steel water bottles right now. That should show you how serious I am about it. I am THAT excited. Yahoo!!! So I grabbed them and bought them and brought them home. I washed them and filled them with water. And now... Now I drink. ~ Sigh ~

Score.

What's New With You?

Do you ever have so much on your mind that when someone asks "what's up?" or "what's new with you?" that you have no idea where to even start? That happened to me last night. And before I even knew what was going on I was sharing all kinds of tid-bits about my life right now with a stranger... oh brother. It was certainly TMI from my stand point. Ah well... I hope I learned a lesson there. Oh so much to do! And yet I write. Somehow it's a release for me. I wish I had some great story to share right now, some great little tid bit of an experience that wisdom could be gleaned from. Hmmm... I must go create more Christmas cards and tend to the first born child who persists with, "Mommy. Mommy! Momma. Momma. Mommy. Mommy!!!"

Away.

the time goes...

There have been so many things in my mind these days as well as so many things scheduled on my calendar. I leave for China and South East Asia in just over two weeks. Why is there always so much to do when traveling over seas?
I have felt the need to write...

This has been an interesting season for me/for our family. I have one child in preschool two days a week and I'm homeschooling the other one. It has been fun and challenging for reasons that people don't ever guess when I'm answering the questions that come at me. The challenges don't have as much to do with homeschooling itself as they have to do with my own schedule. I am not only teacher (which does mean that I have to make lesson plans and "grade papers" as well as actually do some teaching - heh heh) but I am also a student. And while I AM a student through out this homeschooling journey, I'm not referring to that. I'm actually a student right now! I'm attending the Bethel School of Supernatural Ministry. I love all of it. I love the learning curve. I love the challenge of being student again and having to schedule time to do HOMEWORK my own self. Reading, reading, reading... I also lead one of the student groups within the school. That is a wonderful honor and privilege. And then of course, I'm wife and Momma. And I won't even go into all of that right now. I'm also leading the women's band/worship team at our church. I have weekly meetings as well as weekly rehearsals in addition to our monthly meetings. I'm also part of a very small women's group that meets twice a month. I LOVE this little group - they are such a great sounding board for me and support system. I also decided recently that I should volunteer to create sixty Christmas cards to raise money for the Outreach Center. And then of course I am wife and I am Momma. Nothing that needs to be elaborated upon there. And then I'm planning this trip to Asia for me and my Dad. I'm super excited about that and have had a LOT on my plate with the planning of that trip as well as tying up loose ends for my three family members who live there. Anyway... there are the other things but I don't need to go into any of that either. There have been moments of being completely overwhelmed. Interestingly enough I haven't had many break downs. yahoo! I have just had to spend more time praying, meditating and resting in the presence of the Creator of the Universe.

I don't know all that 2010 will bring. I KNOW there is more to come and I'm looking forward to it, but I'm not going to go into any of that right now. (surprise, surprise) It's time to get back to homework. More reading to do!

Juicy!

I grew up amongst some of the most creative people you could ever meet. Not only are the members of my immediate family extravagantly creative and inventive, so also are the members of my extended family most of whom I have been very close to most of my lifetime. My mother was always creating. And whilst she was creating, she was surrounded by other women who were also always creating and inventing and decorating and reinventing. My father also is incredibly creative and inventive and by trade also was with creative and inventive people. I pretty much grew up under that shadow of brilliant creativity. I knew I was always creative. How could I NOT be? I mean simply by power of association I should have been a creating machine! But somehow I couldn't seem to get my own juices flowing.

Over the last few years it has really started to bother me. Once upon a time I thought perhaps I would love to create greeting cards. That didn't really go anywhere except into my boxes full of card stock, snip-its, scribbles, buttons and sequins and magazine clippings... you get the idea, no?

Last month I received an invitation to decorate Christmas cards in order to raise money for the Outreach Pantry at the church we attend. I volunteered under the guise that my kids would be decorating the cards. I sat down and created 20 cards in a weekend. I didn't allow my kids to touch them. It all came right after Jeff Crabtree came to JCC to speak to us about creativity and pray for us "creatives" to get unstuck and to get our juices flowing. So to speak. Eventually I pulled out additional card stock for my kids and we all went at it with glue and glitter and stickers and, and, and... it was a lot of fun and I have since asked if I could make even more cards to sell for the Pantry. I think I might have got unstuck... at the very least, inspired! YAY!!!

Whirlwind Adventure!

"Shrek & Donkey on another whirlwind adventure!"

That's how I frequently feel in this marriage of mine. Not sure if I'm Shrek or Donkey... but whoever I am, Nathan is the other! My husband, like most I'm sure, is a man on the hunt, on the move, in search, on a quest... the great wild man at heart. It manifests itself in some interesting ways at times. I tend to be the "realistic" and "rational" one which really means the one toting the ammo and firing down the dreams and mighty acts that my husband would like to accomplish. He is so unrealistic! It has been my journey to learn to stash the ammo and use it against the enemy, not my lover. I am STILL learning to live in the eye of the storm, as it were.

This post comes, not surprisingly, as a result of another adventure in the works. I am restricting my tongue from speaking anything "realistic" - Realistic words get the red light! (and anyway, how many truly successful, happy, fulfilled people are realists???) Dream on, husband of mine. Take us on another whirlwind adventure!

Citified

This is no joke. I was walking to my car today with my girls after a lunch outing and some window shopping at a very fancy outdoor shopping mall when I heard myself say, "Ew! This sidewalk is not paved, it's so dirty!"

And then I burst out laughing as I realized, "I have become sooo city-fied."

I have to laugh, otherwise I'll cry. ;)

I Own a Mom Suit

I do. I own a "mom suit" now. That's not be confused with a "birthday suit". No. Definitely not. It's to COVER the birthday suit.

Let me explain: I've been taking the girls to the pool somewhat regularly but haven't been able to bring myself to get into the water. It's not our own private pool. I am usually fully clothed when we go downstairs. Sometimes I wear my bathing suit, but I usually cover it up with a dress. And then I sit at a table and try to read or pay some bills or take photos of the girls or listen to my ipod. They have a blast. I sweat. And I don't dare get into that pool unless no one else is around OR their back is turned to me. And can I just tell you the true reason? It's my body image. Yeah. It's still that. I have the same fabulous bikini that I wore on my honeymoon. I hadn't purchased a bathing suit since. My sister gave me a "tankini" hand me down about four years ago. I think that was the summer that my bikini stopped fitting me (after Mateja was born - nine months after I initially wore that sexy little number). Oh anyway... I finally broke down and bought a one piece "mom suit." The "Mom Suit" is what I call it because that's all that I ever remember my mom wearing. And now, here I am in her suit. (well, not really) I have to be honest though, you'll find me in the pool these days!

Our Love.

He's the man who makes me smile. Really smile. The times keep getting better. Our time gets better, we learn more about each other, we enjoy each other more and more. I love saying that. Simply love it. Love him. We are lovers.

Reflecting with Daisies

Various websites show the traditional meaning of daisies as signifying purity or innocence. Daisies are durable - survivors. Trample them one season and they come right back the next. They are 'adaptable' . According to a Native American friend, daisy is also slang for 'excellence'. A site giving the meaning of Gerbera daisies cites their meaning as denoting beauty and cheer. Wenda, publisher of brilliant! Canada's online community for women entrepreneurs. Site symbol - Gerbera daisy. [taken from http://wiki.answers.com]

I remember one of my cousins had daisies at her wedding. The symbol of purity, perhaps? I don't think daisies were her flower choice, but somehow they were everywhere. They sure don't smell very great (not like a rose or a lily) but their significance isn't in their scent, I guess.

I snapped these pics of daisies on a jaunt down to the river when the girls and I were at my dad's. They were growing wild alongside the poison oak and wild black berry bushes. I love fields of daisies. They remind me of my days in high school, full of reflection and dreams and hopes. I would sit in the pasture above the house on a lone stump surrounded by daisies and write and dream and write and write and reflect and write some more. Glorious, care-free days.

These days it's a mega-challenge for me to sit and write and reflect and write. Reflecting happens moment by moment throughout my days. Usually my hands are submerged in dishwater or dirty clothes or clean clothes or soap or some sort of cleanser or... they don't usually stop to write my own reflections (even though that was the whole reason I started this blog in the first place! blah).

I was looking through photos of our trip to my dad's and these pics jumped out at me. I woke hours ago and the house is silent still. Thought I would upload these and try to sort some thoughts before making breakfast and getting the girls ready for school.

Currently: still believing for a "breakthrough coming to my house" not at all certain of exactly what that looks like, believing it has to do with me specifically and my marriage. Hoping that I can still be a river. Not a lake/dead sea. Being fairly vulnerable and weak and a bit of a victim and hating each moment of that although it's all too comfy to stay there (as a victim). And so... I thrust myself forward into the land of discomfort because (as I've said many times before) I have THE Comforter. So into discomfort I go, allowing myself to be vulnerable in my Maker's hands, allowing the comfort to come from my Spirit Guide (HS). And learning just how to do that: the allowing. Still. Still learning. Sunday was an amazing day for me. It was the day that I actually felt a shift in the spirit realm. Now. Can I see some of it in the natural realm? OK. I know it's only early Tuesday but Monday was a beast. Ah well. I end this post soon. I know the girls will wake soon and my morning will speed along...

Daisies: Pure, Innocent, Survivors, Excellent, Adaptable, Beautiful, Strong, Cheerful

Hmmmmmm......

Beauty Restores

"there's something about beauty that is so restoring to the human soul" ~ John Eldredge.

Agreed.

Rest. Restoration. Perspectives.

Oh I had a lovely time in the mountains. Four full days plus an evening (the arrival) and a morning (the departure) in the mountains of my childhood. It's amazing how the smells take me right back to that place of carefreedom: my world before responsibilties began to crowd into view. It's absolutely beautiful up there. It gets more and more beautiful as the years unfold. My dad is constantly working there to see fulfillment of all his vision. Oh I hope he sees it all. I really do.

River

am I a river or a lake?

Right now my heart is stirred and I am indeed longing to be a river out of a place of intimacy with the River of living water.

I spoke at a womens meeting at our church last week. I spoke about several things but these three specifically: Intimacy (worship), being a river, being a lake

Symbol of the Wedding Ring

My husband came home from work for a late lunch today (we live close enough for him to do that - yay!). I had just put the girls down for their naps. The house was quiet. I was resting on my bed with faithful laptop going through emails. My Lover entered the room and said “you look pretty today.” That made my day - I'm not even wearing makeup today. “Really?” And that was BEFORE I found my wedding ring! Yay!!! I found it!

I lost my wedding ring last year in February just before I went to India (with Michelle B. and Ted H.). You can read little journal snippets of my time in India here. I actually went to India planning to purchase a gold ring to wear as my wedding ring. I found one and purchased it and wore it from then until I ended up finding my wedding ring shortly after arriving back in the states. This year I lost it on Easter. That was weeks ago by now. I didn't sense that it was gone forever but I didn't have any leads as to where it could be. I kept thinking if it was still here it would show up. I was a little disappointed that it was taking so long. Anyway... a few days ago I saw Michelle B. She told me she'd had a dream about me and in the dream I was getting married. She didn't have time to elaborate. I'm still waiting to hear details. She then called me yesterday, out of the blue for something unrelated (so I thought) and I told her I'd call her back today to let her know my answer on the matter. I called her today with my answer. As soon as I had hung up the phone my eyes landed on my wedding ring.

Now that is some kind of crazy symbolism happening in my life right now... and I have a feeling that her dream was related somehow and so is the matter she was calling me about... I suppose it's unfolding even now...

Cinco de Mayo Spinach Salad

Lunch this afternoon was a salad of this:

Raw Spinach
(cold) baked Tuna fillet w/ olive oil, lemon juice, parsley, red chili flakes, salt, pepper
dried cranberries
chopped raw pecans
canned corn
edamame
cooked brown & wild rice

Weird. Good. Colorful!
My husband came home for lunch and created this concoction from leftovers in our refrigerator. It was pretty darn good. I was glad we have such yummy leftover items in the fridge!

Proud of Myself

Today was a day for the introvert (self). Both girls at school a full day meant I was able to plan little and do much or not, of whatever fills me. I actually didn't feel (too) guilty today, either. I guess I'm learning to chill out. I dropped the girls off, had a chat with one of my dearest girl friends, headed to Target and spent two hours trying things on! TWO HOURS! In my non-chilled-out-life, I would have been (self) tortured if I spent two hours trying clothes on. But that's just what I did today. And it was great. I even BOUGHT something & felt only a tiny bit guilty (I had gift cards, so it wasn't like I was spending "real" money - maybe that's how I justified the purchases). In previous non-chilled-out-life I wouldn't have purchased anything (that would have been part of the punishment: Did you just waste two hours trying clothes on? Then no clothes for you!) Not only did I buy things for myself (not for the kids) I actually bought things that I like, not things that I thought my husband would like on me. Don't get me wrong, I think he'll like these things on me, but I took care of my likes first. Wow. I'm pretty proud of myself.

And THEN, I came home, made myself lunch and met hubby @ gym for a work out. Awesome. Then I said "ciao" to my prince and I jumped into the pool to further my workout and keep the heart rate up for another 25 minutes. And I did it all for ME, not for anyone else. WOW! I'm really liking myself these days & it's showing up! I mean, I've always really enjoyed my personality, my sense of humor, but there were things... things I couldn't quite put my finger on that I'm finally recognizing and starting to take care of now. I realized that I want my girls to learn how to take care of themselves first (before they take care of their friends emotions or whatever) and the only way they're really going to learn that is if I take care of myself. Emotionally. Physically. Spiritually.

I'm really enjoying this journey that I'm on: learning to chill out. Still.

Strong Enough

There's just too much to write about... I get a little bogged down in deciding which thing(s) to write about and then... I don't end up writing ANYthing. Well, NOT TODAY friends! Not today.

Today was a glorious day and was also a ridiculously HOT day (again) for April in California. I nearly jumped into the pool @ 11am. Instead, I made lunches for the girls and hubby (who joined us for lunch) and THEN jumped into the pool. I think it was the first time I have ever had both girls in the pool by myself. I was pretty proud of myself. It was my own time with my girls – in the pool. I have never really felt strong enough/confident enough to have them together by myself (without hubby) in the pool. He was the lifeguard, not me! But today was my own time with them. I emerged victorious and confident and cooled off! I was also patting myself on the back for the added bonus of the work-out I was able to squeeze into the day on account of being in the pool. Awesome.

Introvert

Today: ~ deep, cleansing breath ~

that's exactly what today was. a deep cleansing breath.
From start to finish…

I learned (again) today that in fact I AM an introvert. Introvert here is defined as a person who recharges from being alone vs. someone (an extrovert) who recharges from being around others.
I recharged today, thus the deep cleansing breath.

Chill Out

Been going thru some pretty uncomfortable times recently. Feelings of agitation and irritability around each corner. Simple things really, not things that would normally annoy me, but... it's another one of those times in life of transition, change, newness. I feel stretched. I feel like I'm stretching. There are things in life that I have to come to terms with. And one of those things for me is CHANGE. I am open to change, for sure, don't get me wrong on that one. But just because I am open to it doesn't mean it's always comfortable. It reminds me of being pregnant. I think pregnancy is one of the best analogies for change and growth and the discomfort before the blessing. I'm feeling stretch marks right now. Figuratively speaking.

So the stretch this year so far has been learning that "It's OK to chill out." Seriously.

We still aren't moved into our place. My bedroom is full of boxes. STILL. The floor is covered with STUFF. We still don't have living room furniture, which is kinda cool actually cuz we end up spending a lot of time all together on the floor. "tummy time" The girls' school schedule just changed. We're trying to figure out who we are as a family - just the four of us. Mom doesn't live here anymore. My sister doesn't live with us anymore. It's just us. And that is taking some odd adjusting, some adjusting that I didn't account for... and it's all good, of course. It's just... it's like when you're eight months pregnant and trying to get a good night's rest (ha!) but you have to get up every two hours to pee or you're in bed trying to find that comfy position but it keeps eluding you. It's kinda like that.

So I'm learning to just CHILL OUT. Relax. I mean, I'm TRYING. OK. And just trying to let life organically grow. Figure out how we as a family unit are supposed to BE together... it has its really fun moments (like the day we decided it was time to get Little's hair cut but no kids shops were open so we went to a hole in the wall salon, Daddy stood next to Little while she had her hair chopped and I had a pedicure while Love Bug sat next to me in total awe and asked gobs of questions).

Anyway...

Absolute Best Moments #2

I had another "absolute best moment" today with my oldest daughter (who is now FIVE!). During the latter part of the girls' "nap time" (which is turning into quiet time in their room while they color or read) I sat down in the living room with my guitar. I began to play and sing as I sometimes do at home. Mateja emerged from her room and began dancing around behind me whilst looking in the mirror at herself. She was having a grand time. While that was a fun moment, the absolute best moment came shortly thereafter when I changed songs. She came and sat in front of me on the floor. And then she began to sing with me. She was mirroring me. There we were, the two of us: mother and daughter sharing a beautiful song. It was one of the absolute best moments I've had in a long time.

Flowers speak

Flowers. I absolutely LOVE them. I'm not talking about store bought flowers though or flowers in a vase or flowers that my husband might surprise me with at work (he did that when I had an office job) or flowers that he might bring home... No. I'm talking about growing flowers, wild flowers. Flowers growing on the side of the road, blossoms showing up on cherry trees, "Indian Paintbrushes" and tulips and poppies.... LOVE flowers. They speak so many things to me.

Each spring I am literally filled with happiness when I see blooms and blossoms. It's a bit early for spring now BUT that doesn't stop the blossoms and blooms from showing up. I have been seeing them recently. I'm not kidding, it makes me so happy!

I remember working with a couple of guys on a one year contract that started in the fall. When spring came round, oh boy! We'd go on five minute walks to get out of the stuffy cubicle environment. I would come alive! I think I freaked them out. I would start skipping and laughing and running from colored petals to colored petals. I would breathe in the scents and stop and stare and smile. I couldn't stop smiling! Life. Glory. Beauty. Hope. That and more I hear from flowers blooming. Do you see? Do you hear?

Absolute Best Moments

The absolute BEST moment happened this evening. I was JUST getting ready to shut my laptop after doing a variety of things: looking through my sister’s most recently posted photos from China, researching Taylor guitars, looking for local storage units, reading one of my favorite blogs… “INCOMING CALL” That was the prelude to the best moment. ooooh ~ I love skype. I love using skype for free to talk to my sister who is clear across the globe. The initial BEST moment is getting the call. The anticipation while waiting to seeing her face is the second best moment. And then seeing her face is the official absolute BEST moment. LOVE THAT MOMENT! In an instant I can see for myself how she’s doing. She is well. She is HER. I also love that I can take snapshots of her whilst she is talking away. Here are three of my favorites from tonight.

She's telling me how she fell in love with Kuala Lampur, Malaysia.

I just told her where we’re moving & how many square feet our new place has.

She’s doing a typical Chinese pose that she’s learned.

Love my sister.

I'm pretty happy that technology is contributing to my absolute best moments in life.

The "TO DO" List

I know there are gobs of ideas about "to do" lists. And there are gobs of different kinds out there. There are loads of folks who loathe them and just as many who live by them. I guess I fall somewhere in between. Because of my personality I lean toward keeping daily lists. They keep me focused and (frankly) I love to write them out & organize the list. Having WORD surely makes this task easier. The task of actually organizing my "to do" list doesn't usually end up on the list because if it did I would feel like a moron and then feel guilty about having such a detailed personality (because it can be a waste of time). I'm that person who makes a plan to plan; or in this case, makes a list to make a list.

So last night (actually it was quite early this morning) I sat on the couch, laptop on my LAP and wrote out my list for today. And then I reorganized it into categories (I won't bore you with the details). I felt quite accomplished, productive and - happy!

Then I woke up this morning and began the rush of a Monday. I really do have to get up and get going otherwise it's easy to get distracted. That's also why I like to have my lists. They keep me focused. I began busy, mindless work (you know, like unloading dishwasher) which doesn't require much focus. It's routine. Then it happened. I got distracted in the bedroom and then the bathroom and then I was back in the kitchen and found myself in the front room and then back in the bedroom to turn off the lights but then had to finish what I was doing in there and the! AAAAAaaaaaahhhhh!!!! Quick! Pull up the "TO DO List" before I get totally spun out.

I rushed to the laptop & opened up my list. I began reading it, crossing some things off that I had already done in my distractions and then... became very overwhelmed at the magnitude of the list. Why do I do this to myself? Ah well, I suppose I'm not the only one. Nothing new under the sun, right?

Blogging wasn't part of the list, but... it helps me get RE-focused. So now it's back to the list. Focus. Focus. Focus.

Productivity = Happiness (???)

So both girls are in school twice a week these days. You know this. And I really thought I would have some time to myself and get to be very productive & enjoying my productivity alone. Productivity makes me very happy. I've been looking forward to this for a while now, right? So my first day alone was glorious. I tasted solitude @ Target & managed to be very productive and, as a result, quite happy by the time I had to lift Ari from preschool. Well, pretty much every Tues/Thurs since then, yup, I've been working my behind off purging and packing getting us ready for a move. Productivity has been the order but... I haven't been as happy as I would like. Maybe a bit stressed? Hmmm... Today was an exception though, I have to say. I think it's God's way of looking out for me honestly. He adores me, ya know. Story follows:

OK. So somehow over the weekend we managed to misplace the spare (and only) key to our second car (which is actually my sister's car on loan to us whilst she's out of the country for this year). Since we haven't been able to locate the key, we're back to being a one-car family. That means I was taxi-driver again this morning. As taxi driver my duties on a school day include dropping the girls at school by 9am then dropping Nathan shortly after that to his office. Today we had a 9:30 appointment to see a house in Santa Clara. Fine. See the house, then drop Nathan, then head home to enjoy a few hours to myself in solitude. Not so. While we were on our way to the 9:30 appointment he scheduled another appointment at 10am and then another at noon which followed his 11o'clock meeting and one more after that. Needless to say, my morning was shot. I had the hour from 11 till noon for myself. I had to decide what to do. Head home & get about 30 minutes of work done or… stay on the Row (near his job site) and shoot the breeze for an hour or WHAT? And wouldn't you know it; I had no book, no calendar, no clipboard with me no nothing to be productive with… So! I chose to just be. I headed to Peets for a warm chai latte, sat in the sun sipping away and then meandered over to Sur la Table (such a fabulous store for the foodie in me) to dream about all variety of ramekins and bamboo cutting boards. I found a bench outside bathing in the sun and decided to befriend it. I sat there and called my Dad. Then it was time to for the next appointment.

What a glorious hour that was from 11am-12noon. Not very productive according to my standards but it did produce a happy Me. There's something to consider certainly. What does productivity look like anyway, Marina?

The Sound of Silence.

After being taxi driver this morning for my two kiddos and my wonderful husband, I drove home. In silence. No radio, no music, no chatter (screaming, rather) in the backseat... just SILENCE. I almost forgot what that sounded like. It's beautiful. I highly recommend trying it for twenty minutes. As excercise for the body, I think silence might be kind of like medicine for the soul.

On Marriage

I came across this excerpt from The Prophet by Kahlil Gibran recently. Words that perhaps I ought to take to heart in this marriage of my own. It deals with the "invasion of intimacy" as penned by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott (http://www.realrelationships.com/). Once married you understand the concept (along the lines of not borrowing your spouses toothbrush if that totally grosses him out).

On Marriage ~ Kahlil Gibran

You were born together, and together you shall be forevermore. You shall be together when the white wings of death scatter your days. Ay, you shall be together even in the silent memory of God. But let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another, but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other's cup but drink not from one cup. Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music. Give your hearts, but not into each other's keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together yet not too near together:For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other's shadow.

Reasons for doing a jig

~ deep breath ~

Tomorrow my littlest starts pre-school ~ I italicized it only because, really... what IS pre-school? Other than the obvious (it's before real school) it's sort of like glorified day-care. Oh anyway, let me not get started down that path.

I'm writing during the usual time: NAP-time. MY time. I really try to make a point NOT to run around like a maniac doing the house-hold chores during their naps. This is "MY" time. It makes my mind think that I really DO have time that is only mine. It's not truth exactly but it FEELS like it is so... maybe it is? Actually, truth is perception. So, I PERCEIVE this is "my" time. (my GOD, I'm sounding like a psych student right now - David, are you reading this???)

ANYWAY!!! The whole point of sitting down to write THIS particular blog is to help my own self remember the days BEFORE my girls were both in "school" & think about the fact that I'm down-right happy that they WILL be in school.

House-hold chores are done around & with the girls, during their waking hours these days. When they were younger I DID do the chores whilst they were sleeping. Thankfully they grow and that means they grow out of those phases of completely destroying the thing(s) you JUST mended or folded (laundry) or cleaned (the bookshelf) or swept (kitchen floor) or... the list goes ON and on and on. That could be reason number one for jig on grand scale.

Now-a-days they play together very well, Hallelujah! Yet another jig-reason.

They also help with household duties. They both clear their places once they've finished a meal (LOVE that!) and are getting better at making their own beds, putting their own clothes away, putting their toys in specified areas, etc. To her credit, Mateja has actually been great at all of these things for a couple of years now. Getting BOTH children to these things simultaneously is cause for a jig on my part. Can't kick quite as high as perhaps I used to BUT as long as I continue with my stretching (a.k.a. yoga) I'll continue dancing jigs in celebration of these great feats my girls are accomplishing.

School for the littlest really means I'll get eight hours of "my own time" every single week. That's reason to do a jig right now!

I have to go back to the statement "they grow and that means they grow out of those phases" in order to reflect & remind myself of the days before school was part of our lives. They DO grow out of those phases: of just learning to crawl or walk, of learning to communicate, say words, laugh at the tiny things; of being teenie tiny wonderful babies. I guess that's when they start doing the jig - cuz then they can actually dance! And my girls do just that.

I miss the babies my girls used to be and the toddlers too. Now they are both considered "pre-schoolers" and then they'll be school-age. So whilst I am gettin' jiggy over here on the Pons' Court thinking about my own time upcoming, I'm remembering the days not that long ago when they were itty bitty and couldn't quite dance yet.

Just thinking about them that little makes me wanna...

Post-Christmas Down Time

After Christmas comes New Years of course and the celebrations and time off the norm schedule. It's "down time" but it seems filled with more stuff to do... like now it's time for the decor to come down. Today I have spent a great deal of time taking ornaments from the tree, wrapping them & stowing them but even more time unwinding the five strands of lights from around our once live tree. That's the thing about Christmas trees... they live a short life. They bring me so much happiness until then... Maybe one of these days I'll be able to buy a Christmas tree in a planter and then I can just transport it from outside to inside during the season and back out again... I know that false trees are all the rage, but I'm a mountain girl. It's like mockery. Not saying that I won't ever give into purchasing a false tree, but... there's got to be a better way.

Anyhow... the girls are down for their naps. Our tree is bare once again. Beautiful but no longer living. Sad. I'm taking a break before launching into the next phase of my "down time" which will include a broom, dust pan, vacuum and a lot of calorie burning. I guess that's a bonus.

The house is quiet right now, well other than the sound of the ticking clock and my fingers hitting the keys.

~~ deep breath ~~ long pause ~~

God is for me.